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What can you do when a sibling won't let you visit mom?


 Question: My mother is 81 years old and I have not been able to see her since July 27, 2012. Her birthday was November 12, 2012 and I did not get to see her. Mom has dementia and my sister is influencing her and not allowing her to see all of her children. I keep feeling like I am hitting a brick wall. All I would like to do is see my mother.

Dr. Amy: Life is short and we only have so much time and energy. It amazes me that people spend theirs making others unhappy. And yet so much of this goes on, especially with siblings and older parents.

What happened on July 27? Why does your sister not let you see your mother? Does she also deny other siblings the opportunity to visit? Is there a way to talk together as a family and come to an arrangement that meets everyone’s wishes—and centers on what’s best for your mom? Perhaps a mediator or facilitator could help you all come to an agreement.

It is possible you can prick your sister’s conscience enough that she will change her behavior. For example, could you appeal to her from the standpoint that if your mom dies and she has prevented you from seeing her, there will be no way to rectify this in the future? Also consider whether there is someone else your sister is more likely to respond, perhaps someone in the community. If nothing seems likely to work, I suggest you consult with an eldercare lawyer about your options.

Your mother deserves to see her family and you deserve to see your mother. I truly wish you—and your whole family—a peaceful solution to this situation.


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Thoughts and stories from others
  1. December 21, 2019 at 4:53 pm | Posted by Mary Margaret

    3 of my siblings wont sign necessary form so the others of us can talk to facility about my mom who is a resident there!


  2. November 29, 2019 at 2:59 pm | Posted by Denise

    Hi, My sister is in a Nursing Home. She was in an auto accident in 2015 and suffered a traumatic brain injury. The Nursing Home said they would bring her to my home for a few hours then pick her up. Her husband refuses to let her visit me. My parents passed away and she had the accident, all this happened within 7 weeks. Can an Atty help me?


  3. November 24, 2019 at 11:11 pm | Posted by Kristina

    My aunt won’t allowed my mom and I to see my moms mom. She had a stroke and lost most of her memory and can’t take Care of herself. My aunt blocked my mom & I from her phone & my aunts phone. We don’t even have a address because she moved and took my grandma. What can we do?


  4. November 15, 2019 at 10:04 pm | Posted by Carolyn

    Yes please tell me how to file paperwork four orders of conditions for me to go see my mother in the hospital my sister is keeping her away from the whole family and my mom health is failing because she probably thinks her family don't want to see her little does she know that one of the siblings won't let us see her and says she has an order but I don't think she does she don't have any money to pay a lawyer to get a power of attorney I don't know what she told the staff or what she showed him probably a fake document


  5. November 5, 2019 at 12:41 am | Posted by Skye

    Where are you located at?? I wil try to help you as much as I can


  6. October 27, 2019 at 3:48 am | Posted by Bryan

    I would love some advice as well please I’m trying so hard to find my father I have taken care of him for years stopping in helping him around the house while my sister many times said she wished he was dead and then he got dementia and ended up in the hospital she says she found out she was put as the POA in 2012 this now 2019 but she won’t show me proof and she was never around and they didn’t much care for each other so if he would have put anyone as POA it would have been me. He lives in another state and had put him into a nursing home moved him to her state I have asked to bring him home and I will stay 24/7 with my wife and take care of him but she keeps telling me no. And I ask where she is she just won’t reply or changes the subject. I asked my dads brother where he is and he said that my sister told him not to tell his wearabouts and the odd thing about this is he has insurance that covers it great insurnace and yet she had came to his house and took his trucks boats motorcycle model trains anything worth money is all gone and she’s selling the house so she can pay his medical bills so she says but it sounds like she’s selling it for her own profit and keeping him in a home so she don’t have to deal with him and not allowing me to know let’s her keep to her plan. Please if anyone has help please let me know I’m begging I want to find my father and I have no idea where he is


    • November 5, 2019 at 12:18 am | Posted by Skye

      Where are you located at?? I wil try to help you as much as I can


      • November 19, 2019 at 7:48 pm | Posted by Kerri

        I too would like more information. My boyfriend has been in the icu for almost a month now and his mother has restricted my access to him. Initially I was secondary proxy, but she somehow was able to have me removed and refuses to have any contact with me


  7. October 10, 2019 at 1:23 am | Posted by Anne Wrightt

    My brother didn't let other adult siblings visit our elderly mother who was dying. We were never told she was in the hospital and he was withdrawing care. We were told after she died that she was in the hospital. My feelings are hurt. My other brother is upset also. I don't want to even remember my mom I am that hurt by it.


  8. October 1, 2019 at 9:25 am | Posted by Fathy Bob

    I do not know much in this issue, but I want to share my bad experience with my stepmom that my dad made as his caregiver. She does not allow my mom and sibling to see him. She even took him overseas in order to make him sign document and took control of all his belonging. People like that do not know that they may be in a bad situation when they become old or even before. I called my dad and he was asking me to visit him with my sibling. He is not aware that he gave contrôle to an evil. I do not know what to do Thank you for reading my post


  9. September 5, 2019 at 2:05 pm | Posted by Cheryl Bensinger

    My stepdaughter will not let me see my husband.And the ACC home owner is losing to him telling him I don't card for him anymore.He talked my husbands daughter into taking me to court .The ACC home owner got his assistant to lie to my husband daughter About things that never happened.My husband has dementia.Court have him a lawyer.I thought was for him and I.Judge said he could speak for his self.The AFC home owner took him to see the lawyer and they made him write a letter saying he want his daughter to take control of out money.And to be his gardian.He wrote her and told her to take my rights from me.We had court on Monday.They changed the time on me.So I would miss court no one called me or the court.They planned it that way.And no one will help me.Last time I wait to see my husband was a week ago.The ACC home owner called the police made me go.My husband started crying.I was going to move my husband closer to me.The ACC home owner got wind of it that's how all this started.He did not what that to happen because my husband rent is 15hundred dollars a month.please help.Cheryl Bensinger Thank-you


  10. August 31, 2019 at 10:14 am | Posted by Denise plummer

    Hi my stories is about my mother that as just bonding in to carehome on the 19/8/19 that I have not seeing because of my sister for me and two of my bother we have to phone her are dreagther. that they can call the carehome. and I am very unhappy that I have to be calling my oweing sister to see my oweing mother the other thing is her dreagther calling for me .that is my mother greatest there that could never be right I'm the dreagther


  11. August 19, 2019 at 11:21 pm | Posted by Betsy

    Is there professional help or anything you can do legally if you are not able to see a parent on hospice because a sibling will not allow you to.


  12. August 15, 2019 at 12:36 pm | Posted by Elaine LaGarce

    I am in similar situation. I have been the caregiver to my 75 year old sister with dementia off and on for 25 years...I had a family emergency and took my sister to her daughter to stay for a week. Daughter called sheriff and APS on my telling them I abandoned her there...I have all my communication with daughter telling her I needed her to stay for a week while my husband in ICU. It's been 6 months now and still cant find my sister. My niece and brother have placed her in a home somewhere and I am heartbroken...sheriff told me I relenquished custody when I took her there to visit...APS must know where she is to process complaint...what can I do?


    • November 5, 2019 at 12:31 am | Posted by Skye

      How do you Relinquish rights if there's no court documents saying that I'd call the ombudsmen thrrew APS file a grievance


  13. July 10, 2019 at 4:59 am | Posted by Tina Scheve

    My sister won't allow me to see my 101 year old Mom. She makes all the decisions and she is very negative towards me. My Mom and I love each other very much and want tome together, but she is totally afraid of my sister and scared to even ask to see me. Are there any legal ways to get visitation rights?


    • August 4, 2019 at 5:58 pm | Posted by Ada Racin

      I'm on the same situation but my dad is 82 she took his phone so he can't call or talk to anyone he went in the hospital with a stroke and she took him out moved him in her house it's all for money and she had him on speaker with a friend he new from Xbox he told her that my sister's husband hit him in the head and the jaw my sister herd him and started screaming at him he was a lier. Plz help several family members has called APS No help of removing him she is a mean person dad ask me before he was released from the hospital if he could stay with me and my husband till he got on his feet. Dr told her and she took him out of the hospital. No she threatening him . I'm worried she will kill him she took out a insurance policy on him. I called the police they said he talked ok and they couldn't do anything since my sister won't let anyone see him.


  14. July 10, 2019 at 4:52 am | Posted by Sharal Scheve

    My Mom is 101. I won't allow my sister to see our Mom because we had a spat.


  15. April 25, 2019 at 8:35 pm | Posted by Justin moorefield

    Is there any actual professional advise to someone refusing to let them see loved ones ???


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