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I have no family at all, and no one I can ask for help. What are the solutions for me?


Question: I see only topics about people’s mothers or grandmothers but nothing about someone like me. I have no family at all, and no one I can ask for help.  What are the solutions for me?  I'm sure I am not the only one in this situation. Any advice would be appreciated. I am 75 and live alone in my home.

Dr. Amy: Lots of older people are living on their own these days. And given that people over 85 are the fastest growing group of Americans, this is a trend that will be with us for a while. Having enough social support is important for everyone, no matter how old. But it’s especially important as we get older, since we may need help at some point with some of life’s routine tasks.

It’s not too late to build a social support network. I recommend that you consider both informal support from friends and neighbours, and formal support through paid homecare and community resources. If you can afford it, it might be a good idea to have a consultation with a geriatric care manager. In addition to their knowledge of health , psychology, and human development, they have an excellent understanding of  public and private resources—as well as funding sources. I am not sure how much help you need today. A care manager can look at both your current needs and help you plan for the future. If cost is an issue, you can call the Adult Services Unit of the Department of Social Services in your county. You may qualify for government-sponsored services. If you are a member of a faith community, the leader will be able to make suggestions about local resources.

As much as possible, I encourage you to get involved in the life of your community. Volunteering is a great way to meet new people. Even if you have limited mobility, there may still be ways for you to participate. Many communities operate a telephone service where volunteers call people to who cannot leave their house, for example. Is this something you would enjoy doing—or signing up to receive calls? If you are mobile, there are likely many options. The key is to keep expanding your network and making new friends, so there are people looking out for you and so you have people you can call on if you need help.

At the same time, there are also things you can do to take care of yourself.  Diet and exercise are critically important. It’s also a good idea to do what you can to make it safe for you to remain in your home as you get older. Removing any trip and fall hazards is an example. Installing hand rails and grab bars is another. People without immediate family may need to put more effort into building a support network. But there are many resources out there for people like you who are living alone. The biggest resource is you—and your willingness to make connections, expand your network, and explore the possibilities. Be creative!

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Thoughts and stories from others
  1. October 16, 2018 at 6:37 am | Posted by Alice

    I'm 50.....and my mother has 4th stage breast cancer ......which is now throughout the body because it invaded the bones......she had chemo ....48 rounds of she finally got a dentist she fell going into office broke humurs she's doing 10more rounds of radiation and has surgery the 24th if Oct......our roof is leaking had to move her out of bedroom ....she had put 2000 dollar down payment for repair the guy took the money and is gone......taxes are due .......afraid of what winter will bring with roof ....tried alot of places for help ther either filled or I'm put on a three year waiting list with our community action ......I'm so at a loss wrote letters for help even tried .....letters to Ellen been writting to her for 5years that's so funny and stupid when I look at it ........I've written to Congress our hud....says they don't deal with Grants for help ........I'm at such a big loss I'm feel I fell down a hole and can't get out I'm tired of tryin I'm broken don't know how to fix everything there any help for me anywhere Thanks Alice


    • October 17, 2018 at 6:40 pm | Posted by Sheila

      God bless you and your family. I understand how stressful being a caregiver is, and with the added problems of needing home repairs "that hole you fell in" seems deep. My 94 year old mother has been living with my husband and me for over 6 years. I have only a brother that lives out of town, so I am her sole caregiver. I, also, have grandchildren that I care for a few times a week. I have little time for myself, and I, too, would like to have community resources to offer help. My mother's home is in need of major repairs. I can't deal with that. But, put your faith in the Lord. Prayer comforts me. We are in this world only for a short time. How we live it will determine where we spend eternity. As hard as it is, don't give up, and try to give the problems to Him. He is there walking beside you.


  2. August 14, 2018 at 12:52 pm | Posted by Michael

    When Mom died I thought I still had family when Dad died I found out Mom was the only person ever to care about me Dad took me out of the family will I never married or had children it's a strange feeling when you know not one person in the world cares if you die I've been in my town were I live now for 6 years other than mom or dad not one family member has came to see me or if they stopped bye it was because they werealready in town


  3. July 13, 2013 at 5:24 am | Posted by beauty

    Ask the Lord to come into your heart, and he will give you peace and a future life when this life is over, as it will be for all of us. This earth is not the final destination. I'm humored with the family "19 and Counting", and they are still having kids. What a crime, when there are so many young lonely kids who need a home. May God have mercy on them.


  4. June 25, 2013 at 10:37 pm | Posted by Gillian

    I can understand where you are coming from. My parents are around your age and rely only on us kids. I have suggested the local community center where you will find groups with peers your age. Many of these community centers do numerous activities and seem to be quite fun. I would also suggest church and neighborhood picnics. I also would suggest seeking out from your healthcare provider what your qualifications are for those who may need a personal care assistant. I am not sure what your needs really are, but if you have physical needs there are agencies that provide in home services to assist with you and there are companion programs that will keep you company. Don't give up, there is something out there for you. Also, reach out to your neighbors who have teenage kids because they can help with yard work or around the house and it could count as community service for their school. Good luck and friends are our there for you.


    • July 13, 2013 at 5:21 am | Posted by beauty

      It seems that people don't have time for each other anymore. I'm amazed at the show "19 and counting" ; they are still having kids ... when so many kids need a family to love them but no one is there for them. One thing for sure ... ask the Lord to come into your heart and he will give you peace and be there for you now and forever. When this earth is over, there is another life, and if you have the Lord in your heart you will be in Heaven. God Bless you.


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