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All caregivers who experience elevated levels of stress are at an increased risk for physical and emotional issues.
April 11, 2010
"Will you still need me,
will you still feed me,
when I'm sixty-four."
The Beatles, "When I'm 64"
Times have certainly changed since Lennon and McCartney penned and sang those words in 1967. Medical and healthcare strides are allowing people to live well into their 70's and 80's. Despite those health advances, the fact remains that caring for a spouse in need, regardless of their age, is very demanding, stressful and could threaten your own health.
The Journal of American Medical Association reports that if you are a spousal caregiver between the ages of 66 and 96, and are experiencing ongoing mental or emotional strain as a result of your caregiving duties, there's a 63% increased risk of dying over those people in the same age group who are not caring for a spouse.
As a caregiving spouse, you may begin to feel very isolated from friends and feel tremendous guilt about your own unmet needs. There can also be a sense of loss, especially if your spouse suffers from dementia or Alzheimer's disease.
So how do you know if caregiving is becoming too risky for you? Examine this list and see how many apply to you:
- Missing or delaying your own doctor appointments
- Ignoring your own health problems or symptoms
- Not eating a healthy diet for lack of time
- Overusing tobacco and alcohol when you feel stressed
- Giving up exercise habits for lack of time
- Losing sleep
- Losing connections with friends for lack of time to socialize
- Bottling up feelings of anger and frustration and then being surprised by angry, even violent, outbursts directed at your spouse, other family members, co-workers - even strangers
- Feeling sad, down, depressed or hopeless
- Loss of energy
- Lacking interest in things that used to give you (and your spouse) pleasure
- Feeling resentful toward your spouse
- Blaming your spouse for the situation
- Feeling that people ask more of you than they should
- Feeling like caregiving has affected family relationships in a negative way
- Feeling annoyed by other family members who don't help out or who criticize your care
All caregivers who experience elevated levels of stress are at an increased risk for physical and emotional issues.
Even if you are only experiencing two or three of these items, it is important to get help and support.
The truth is your spouse/partner will be in better hands if you are healthy.
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Thoughts and stories from others
April 26, 2013 at 2:26 pm | Posted by Tonya
I am 41 yr old and My Husband is 60 yr old. He got hurt at work several Yr. ago. Has had back surg and knee surg twice. He is on pain management and meds for pain, depression. I work 12hr shifts nights. Come Home to Him complaining How much He hurts and how bad He feels. I am a Diabetic and take Insulin and Other med for Health Problem Myselif. And still His Full Time Care Giver. He takes a hand full of meds, then later He doesn't care what He says and Hurting My feelings. He doesn't remember later what He has said or done. We use to be so active together. Go out dancing, fishing, etc. Now all He wants to do is sit in House with blinds down or take meds and go to bed. His physc says there is nothing else They can do for Him. His meds have been adjusted several Time. We have a 17 yr old Son. They don't have a Father/Son relationship. I am on antidepression meds,other. The Stress is getting to be too much to deal with. I got to where I don't even want to come Home after work. Please Help.
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April 19, 2013 at 6:34 pm | Posted by Julie
My husband and I have been married for almost 29 years. 4 years into our marriage, he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I was told that he would be in the hospital for at least 3 months, would need to relearn walking, talking, eating, dressing, etc. All this IF he lived through the surgery. Well, I brought him home in 7 days. Everything was fine except for one small detail that no one warned me about; his personality completely changed. I was married to a stranger. He worked non-stop, became very argumentative and critical and also became very nasty when he drank, which started being quite often. Since then, he has undergone 2 more surgeries, 36 radiation treatments, 2 gamma knife treatments and many, many chemo treatments. After his last surgery, 4 years ago, he became completely disabled. He cannot talk clearly, is fed through a tube, has extreme memory issues, cannot walk at all without extreme help, has a trach, etc. I have a full time PCA during the week so I can work at a very stressful government job which I would quit but we need the money and the insurance. I have not been treated like a wife in almost 8 years; no affection, no sex, not even any form of touching. I try to hug or kiss him and he backs away laughing. The only time he talks to me is when he wants something. I hate my life. I want to leave everything behind and just go away. I loved my husband with my whole being and now I'm not even sure that I like him anymore. The guilt is eating me alive and I find myself thinking that my life would be so much better if he weren't in it. I hate myself for having these thoughts.
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May 1, 2013 at 12:52 am | Posted by Kimberly
Hi Julie I cried reading your post. I felt ur pain frustration fear and every other emotion you feel. My husband is 47 and a severe brain injury left him totally dependent upon my care 24/7 for bathing feeding toileting etc. and we have a now four year old that has suffered through this for two years since his brain injury. I have so many emotions running thru me and so many things I'd like to write as I feel your pain so strongly. I have few encouraging words as I find so little really helps when others try to empathize with me. I simply wanted to reply to tell you that I feel the same things you expressed in your post about hating your life at times and wanting to run. I too would like to gather my child and run so fast to another life. But- well there's so much with that but isn't it?!? Just know at least someone like me has the same thoughts and feelings and sadness and frustrations and all else you wrote about earlier. I will pray for you tho I don't know you and I don't even know what to pray for except ask God to please help you in the best way He knows how and to give you some peace and happiness and all else you need. Sincerely I will pray and think of you!
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February 26, 2013 at 6:08 am | Posted by Jolene
I am 45 and my Husband is going on 62. He is disabled and has P.E., takes blood thinners, I have a nurse come twice a week to help me with his shower. It has come to making that hard choise, what else can I do for him. I take care of him 90 percent of the time, I work nights and come home by 7:30 in the morning and take care of him and try to sleep, He is basicly living on health shakes, he has no appitite, I am visually impaired and do the best I can, it hurts to see him this way. He had 2 spinal surgeries 2004 and 2005. I love him very much, I feel bad when I go out to the stores, or go biking. I take the moped and sometimes go for 20-30 minute rides. I feel sometimes I want to send him to his family for a break, I can't do that. I do the best I can, Thanks Jo.
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March 15, 2013 at 11:47 pm | Posted by Marie D
Jolene, I understand. I am 49 and he is 70, I have cared for him for the last eight years. Take some time for yourself and don't feel guilty. Hang in there...
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