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Senior Dating: How to React When Mom Gets a Boyfriend

Senior couple eating at a restaurant_romantic date_7-1

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April 7, 2014

The possibility of your senior parent or loved one reentering the dating world can cause a range of emotional stress. Is it safe? Is it appropriate? How soon is too soon after the loss of a spouse? The answers to these questions vary with each family’s unique situation, but there are some common factors to consider as you and your senior loved one broach this topic.

Here are four thoughts to keep in mind as you talk to your senior about dating:

1. It might be awkward. (But that’s ok!)
No matter how close you are to your senior parent, discussing the details of your loved one’s dating life will likely be a little awkward for the both of you. He or she may feel embarrassed or may not want to talk about it at all. That’s okay; do not force the issue unless you suspect an extreme circumstance such as physical, emotional or financial abuse. Simply continue to show interest and concern in a way that invites open conversation. Refer to the 40/70 Rule® Booklet for insight into conversation strategies for this and other sensitive topics.

2. It’s important to have “the talk.” (Yes, that one.)
A significant number of seniors are not only dating, they are sexually active, according to studies like those cited in this recent article on seniors and sex. The number of seniors who are dating and sexually active tops 25 percent for the 75 to 85 age bracket, indicating that safe sex, privacy and STD awareness are real concerns. The lesson here? Senior dating may not be a comfortable topic to discuss, but the risks of ignoring it are far worse. Stay the course.

3. Companionship is healthy!
As with men and women of any age, relationships are vital to a senior’s overall wellbeing. Loneliness can have negative physical and emotional consequences that increase as we age. High blood pressure, depression and loss of appetite are just a few ways the physical and emotional stress of loneliness can manifest itself in a senior’s life. Dating and other social activities can help to reverse this dangerous cycle.

4. Your senior loved one needs your support.
Whatever your senior loved one’s dating status and desires, try to be as encouraging and supportive as possible. From making new friends at the community center, to going on a blind date, your support will help your loved one feel confident and not alone.

In this digital age, online dating can be one fun and effective way to find a kindred spirit. Sites like SeniorMatch.com specialize not only in romantic connections, but in friendships as well. Consider helping your senior set up an online dating profile. It could be a fun way to spend time together and gives you the opportunity to stay in the loop on the dating situation! Check out these safety tips for online dating for some practical advice on the topic.

While a busier social life for Mom or Dad may introduce new stress for you, these activities and relationships can do wonders for their overall health and emotional wellbeing.

If you could use some assistance managing the logistics of your senior loved one’s social calendar, consider contacting a non-medical home care company like your local Home Instead Senior Care® franchise office. Their companionship services include help with transportation, hobbies and more!

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Thoughts and stories from others
  1. May 1, 2014 at 5:28 pm | Posted by Ginger Williams

    I am in my 70s and have been loving a dear man for several years. My (10) children know about this relationship, but only one disapproves. I listen to this son then do what I know is right for me. We don't live together and we're okay with that. He makes me feel special and is always finding ways to make me feel good. He is funny and generous and loves me. He doesn't pay my bills and I don't pay his. I don't plan on marrying him any time soon. He has asked, though, so who knows?

    Reply

  2. May 1, 2014 at 3:33 pm | Posted by Ellen

    Regarding dating. I would like some thoughts on how to handle a financially strapped " boyfriend " not paying anything with my husband and I supporting my mother. He seems to be moving in without either one acknowledging this is happening. That tells me Mom knows she is being used but is torn. I want her happy but we do not have unlimited resources. Any advice is appreciated

    Reply

  3. May 1, 2014 at 3:26 pm | Posted by Tom Bousman, Th.D.

    I read this article and wanted to let you know that, even though you have no need of my approval, you have my approval. I was the Chairman of Quaker Gardens in Stanton, CA , a 475 resident senior living facility. I was, for nearly 10 years, the chaplain for Companion Hospice in Downey, CA. As a gerontologist, I am very familiar with the needs of active and not so active seniors. These are very good questions and answers. Tom Bousman

    Reply

  4. May 1, 2014 at 12:03 pm | Posted by Rosalie French

    I find that I need some interaction with the opposite sex even before my husband has passed on and I wonder if I'm the only one that feels this way...my husband was a dear man and we loved each fiercely which now makes it even harder for me to live without any "love" in my life...I need to love and be loved...is this feeling being "unfaithful"...I could die before reliving the closeness we had and I really don't want that to happen...

    Reply

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